Finding out that you are pregnant will probably instil within you feelings of both excitement and anxiety, and even more so if it is your first baby. Some pregnancies are planned, some with more precision than others, and others may come as a complete surprise. Whatever your situation, this is one of life’s greatest journeys. For everyone, there is inevitable adjustment. The speed and ease of this transition depends largely on your attitudes and whether or not you have a sense of humour. If you are someone who embraces life’s challenges wholeheartedly and can giggle at your most embarrassing moments, it’s likely that pregnancy will be another fulfilling chapter.

If you are easily overwhelmed and take life too seriously, your journey may prove more testing than you envisaged. Everyone is different, however, most women emerge from the throes of motherhood more empowered and versatile as a person, hopefully with a sense of humour in tact.

Whether or not you are already a parent, the prospect of a nine-month-long pregnancy, culminating in labour, birth and a baby, can evoke every emotion imaginable. How you view yourself and your life will influence your behaviour. Pregnancy has a way of bringing you face to face with your own reality. It tests your self-confidence, values and enlightens you in ways unimaginable.

You are bound to have worries. This is normal. You may even wonder at times if your baby inside you is healthy and normal.
Much of this fear relates to subconscious feelings of inadequacy and the pressure of living up to other people’s expectations. Many women say they are haunted by bizarre and sometimes disturbing dreams about pregnancy and childbirth.

This is common although you may be comforted by the fact that most women who worry about complications do so unnecessarily. Statistics tell us that 90 per cent of women are able to have perfectly normal, uncomplicated labours and deliveries without assistance.

Anxiety, while distressing at times, can have a positive effect in encouraging you to explore new possibilities. Finding yourself in unfamiliar territory helps you to embrace the need for a fresh perspective. When you have a moment, think about what is really important to you. What concerns you most? Is it your changing body shape? Are you afraid that your sex life will suffer? Do you have financial concerns? Do your breasts leak? Or do you doubt your capabilities as a parent?

Airing your thoughts and anxieties with those close to you will invariably help the process of resolving them. Antenatal classes can be good forums for sharing concerns with those who are probably going through exactly the same emotions. When you are feeling low, take a step back and consider all the positive aspects in your life. Compile a list of all those things that make you happy. On this list, celebrate the fact that you are creating a life. Believe that your baby is receiving all the nourishment and love it needs and know that you are capable of bringing this child safely into your world.

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1. Your Changing Relationships with Others

You & Your Partner

All relationships benefit from honest communication. You may feel at times as though you are inhabiting different worlds and that your needs are not being met. This can be true for both of you. Rampant hormones and the stress of imminent parenthood and new responsibilities can highlight the strengths and weaknesses but nothing is insurmountable if you are both willing to listen.

It is important that you talk about your concerns openly, with neither of you feeling rejected. Discuss your fears and insecurities. Spend time together and share the preparation. Talk about what you value in your relationship and what kind of world you wish to create for your child. Try to remain open-minded and non-judgemental.

If you worry about your ability as parents, remember that your first baby has the task of transforming you into parents. Both of you play an integral role in providing a loving and secure environment for your child, albeit in different ways. It’s likely that one or both of you may feel that your life is becoming dominated by the pregnancy. Take a day out together and do something inspirational. A change is as good as a rest.

You & Your Family

The risk of miscarriage reduces at the end of the first trimester and this may be an appropriate time to share your news with those close to you. Your announcement may evoke various responses. Generally the prospect of new life is greeted with enthusiasm and feelings of elation. There’s something especially uniting about an imminent birth in the family. It’s the beginning of something positive and uplifting and offers a perfect distraction from every day routine. Many women say that going through a first pregnancy can be healing in that it brings you closer to understanding what your own parents, and particularly your mother, went through for you.

Rebecca sums this up in her comment after giving birth to 3.68 kg Klaus: “I remember lying there being in awe of my mother and grandmothers who had all given birth naturally. I thought, they are frigging legends!” There will be of course people who do not respond so enthusiastically. Your fortune and obvious delight may highlight problems in their own lives. Try to remain focussed on your own wellbeing. If it is getting you down, remember that people who spend their days making other people’s lives unhappy are usually the most unhappy of all. If you are able to recognise this, then you may not feel so persecuted by their negativity. These people usually come round in the end. A warm and cuddly newborn can soften the most hardened of hearts.

You & Your World

As your pregnancy progresses, you will notice an ever-increasing amount of advice coming your way. For those of your friends who are already parents, it’s an opportunity to impart wisdom, some of it relevant, some of it irritating. Use your discretion to keep what may be of use. Whatever choices you make, there is always the possibility that they will be scrutinised and become matters of public debate. Whether or not you choose to finish work early, whether or not you choose to find out the sex of your baby, whether you opt for cloth nappies or disposable, or whether or not you intend breastfeeding, people around you, including strangers, may feel compelled to decide for you. Do what feels right for you and your partner.

Once your pregnancy becomes more obvious you may find it demoralising the way your body becomes public property. In particular the way your body suddenly appears to becomes the property of the medical fraternity. You may feel a loss of autonomy over choices and decisions concerning your pregnancy that can leave you feeling frustrated and disempowered. It is important to take a determined approach to maintaining your own sense of self and continue to play an active role in making choices and decisions. If you begin to feel you are being treated like a baby-producing machine, speak up. If you are unhappy with your antenatal care and professionals, say so. It is important you feel able to express your concerns.You will need to be prepared to deal with strangers who may have an odd compulsion to touch your abdomen, ask your due date and speak to you as though you are close friends. Be assertive but diplomatic if you find this disturbing. Well intentioned people can sometimes be thoughtless unless their attention is brought to it.

Sometimes you may feel like the baby growing in your womb is receiving more attention than you are. This can be confusing and upsetting, especially if you are experiencing difficulties. Ensure that the people around you aware of your needs and be prepared to ask for support. This is a very special time of your life. Allow yourself to enjoy it.

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Unless your pregnancy is considered high-risk it is completely safe to continue making love throughout your pregnancy. You need have no fears of dislodging or infecting the foetus or instigating premature labour as your baby is securely protected in the womb. The amniotic fluid acts as cushioning from impact and the mucus plug provides a seal to the womb. Although the female orgasm involves contraction of the uterus it will not trigger labour unless it was due to start anyway. If you notice spotting of blood at any time, or the mucus plug has already come away, which could occur anytime in the last four to five weeks, then sex is not advised because of the risk of infection.

Fluctuating Appetite for sex

• Control is the key to a successful pregnancy if you have asthma – always continue taking your prescribed asthma medication.
• There is no evidence that taking your prescribed asthma medication will cause any defects or increase the risk of any complications during pregnancy.
• Inhaled medication certainly does not affect the baby because it stays in your lungs rather than getting into your bloodstream.
• Uncontrolled asthma can lead to attacks, which reduces oxygen supplied to your baby. This can affect growth, development and survival.

Sexual Discovery

A pregnant woman’s interest in sex may fluctuate considerably, even from day to day. Tiredness and hormonal changes are largely responsible for this. Many women find it difficult to feel sexy with an ever-expanding waist and protruding abdomen. Other women claim sex during pregnancy to be the most erotic and fulfilling of all.

Symptoms of Asthma

For some it is a time of sexual discovery and letting go inhibitions. With contraception no longer an issue, many women say they are able to reach heightened levels of sexual excitement. Some women even admit that until they became pregnant they had been ignorant of pelvic floor muscle control during lovemaking. Others have claimed to have their first orgasm while pregnant. The middle trimester is often the time for wonderful sex as energy levels have replenished and there is still the ability to move around easily.

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