Having a new baby is one of the most stressful things that will happen in our life. There are so many things to worry about and you might start to feel as though you aren’t coping as well as you think you should. You may have the “baby blues” for a few days or you may have more severe feelings of depression.

It is said that there are roughly 10-20 percent of mother in Australia that suffer from postnatal depression. It is also estimated that 10 percent of first time fathers suffer from postnatal depression. Although they don't have the hormonal changes normally associated with postnatal depression, you must remember that father's lives are turned upside down when a baby arrives as well.

Postnatal depression is a serious mental illness that a lot of mothers (and fathers) suffer from, many silently, as they don’t want to admit that there is a problem.

After giving birth at your six week checkup, your doctor or early childhood nurse may give you a “test” to see how you’re going, this questionnaire is called the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale. It was developed for the British Journal of Psychiatry in 1987 and is still used today as a guide to whether a mother may need some help for postnatal depression.

Below is the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale for you to use on your own. Please remember that scores provide only a rough guide as to whether a woman has postnatal depression. For a full diagnosis, it is important to see your doctor.

To complete the questionnaire, circle the response that answers most accurately how you have been feeling in the past seven days.

1. I have been able to laugh and see the funny side of things.
• 0 As much as I always could
• 1 Not quite so much now
• 2 Definitely not so much now
• 3 Not at all

2. I have looked forward with enjoyment to things.
• 0 As much as I ever did
• 1 Rather less than I used to
• 2 Definitely less than I used to
• 3 Hardly at all

3. I have blamed myself unnecessarily when things went wrong.
• 3 Yes, most of the time
• 2 Yes, some of the time
• 1 Not very often
• 0 No, never

4. I have been anxious or worried for no good reason.
• 0 No, not at all
• 1 Hardly ever
• 2 Yes, sometimes
• 3 Yes, very often

5. I have felt scared or panicky for no very good reason.
• 3 Yes, quite a lot
• 2 Yes, sometimes
• 1 No, not much
• 0 No, not at all

6. Things have been getting on top of me.
• 3 Yes, most of the time I haven't been able to cope at all
• 2 Yes, sometimes I haven't been coping as well as usual
• 1 No, most of the time I have coped quite well
• 0 No, I have been coping as well as ever

7. I have been so unhappy that I have had difficulty sleeping.
• 3 Yes, most of the time
• 2 Yes, sometimes
• 1 Not very often
• 0 No, not at all

8. I have felt sad or miserable.
• 3 Yes, most of the time
• 2 Yes, quite often
• 1 Not very often
• 0 No, not at all

9. I have been so unhappy that I have been crying.
• 3 Yes, most of the time
• 2 Yes, quite often
• 1 Only occasionally
• 0 No, never

10. The thought of harming myself has occurred to me.
• 3 Yes, quite often
• 2 Sometimes
• 1 Hardly ever
• 0 Never

Add up the numbers or your circled answers. The higher your score, the more likely it is that you are distressed and may be suffering from postnatal depression. If you score is high, or even if it is low but you feel depressed, please consult your doctor as soon as possible.

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1. Postnatal Depression
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If you have been lucky enough to get any advice out of your mates on what to expect from fatherhood, it probably has been that “things will change”. Instead of going in with this vague idea of doom, here is more detail on the top five things that are going to change and how to deal with them.

1. You’ll get less attention from her

As your partner grapples with being a new mum her focus will be almost entirely elsewhere. Don’t wait to be asked what to do to help, get in there and find out what she wants your role to be.

2. You might get worried about money

Going from a comfortable double income down to perhaps only surviving on your pay is something you can plan for well in advance. Waiting until you are both tired to figure out a budget will probably result in a fight. Try to sit down and agree how your household budget is going to be run.

Do your research now into if you qualify for the Baby Bonus or Paid Parental Leave using the online estimator (click here) and submit your application in advance.

3. You will be sleep-deprived

Working together on looking after your baby in the night will help you both get some sleep and hopefully result in a happier household. Many fathers send mum to bed early and do a night feed with a bottle, say approx 10pm, before hitting the sack.

4. You might be worried you are not ready to be a dad

This is a pretty natural concern and it should cheer you up to know that the instinct will kick in, at some point. Allow yourself time to feel comfortable and confident in being a dad; don’t expect it all to happen at once.

5. You won’t be able to go out with your mates as much

Remind yourself that this is temporary. As you all settle into family life plenty of opportunities to go out with your mates will reappear. Then again, and you might not believe this, but you may not want to do the things you used to.

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• attend some antenatal appointments and classes with your partner
• ask all those questions you have stored in your head
• voice your concerns openly and honestly
• be appreciative of her changing body
• don’t take mood swings personally
• be as attentive and loving as you can
• improve your own health and fitness
• share her newly adopted dietary preferences and eliminate from your own diet any foods, which may be harmfu
• quit smoking
• decrease your alcohol intake
• spend sometime together talking and reading about pregnancy
• discuss your sexual responses and needs
• take an active part in decision-making
• watch a birthing video together
• organise a pampering treat for both of you

Related posts:

1. Positive Things for Dads-to-Be
2. Positive Eating
3. Positive Posture

Why Does Couvades Happen?

The reasons couvades occurs in men is not really understood but many theories exist including:

• a physical expression of anxiety over the birth
• sympathy / empathy with your partner
• a form of pretend sibling rivalry where your partner becomes the sibling you want to outdo
• a method of bonding with the developing baby
• an assertion of paternity
• outward appearances of ambivalence towards fatherhood.

According to the experts, the best way to deal with Couvades is to accept that it really does exist and that it is simply basic human reaction to the pregnancy. The next thing is to try and understand why you are reacting in the way you are.

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Emotions

As soon as you are told of your partner’s pregnancy, you will enter a new world. And unless you’re a qualified medical professional there will be a stack to learn as your involvement in the pregnancy and birthing process begins. For many men this is a time of great excitement but also a time of fear. Many fathers-to-be say they sometimes feel confused, sad, anxious and angry – which is perfectly natural.

Below are seven common fears expressed by fathers-to-be:

• Financial fear
• Mortality fears
• Fear for your partner or child’s health
• Relationship fears
• Fears of ‘pregnancy medicine’
• Performance fears
• Paternity fears / Am I the real father?

Financial Fears

This is a very common concern for a lot of men and one that is deeply entrenched in our culture. Many men are worried that they will not be able to protect and provide for the family. In many cases, it will be a time of shifting from two salaries to one, a difficult burden in today’s world. There are also long term financial considerations for the family that are likely to be playing on your mind. Like all financial planning, decisions should be made to fit into budgets and be a practical as possible. Remember just about everyone worries about money!

Mortality Fears

The impending arrival of a baby may trigger thoughts about your mortality. It’s common at the beginning of a life to think about the end of a life. Apart from occasional thoughts about this issue, you will probably find you’re a little more cautious about risking your life in dangerous pursuits. If you’ve spent most of your life thinking you are immortal or invincible, this will be a big change.

Fear For Your Partner's or Child's Health

Childbirth is a nerve-wracking time and it’s common for your own mortality fears to extend to your partner and child to be. Frightening things can happen to the person you love most – you could lose your wife and have to bring up the baby yourself, or lose the baby. Just remember that childbirth isn’t as dangerous as it was even 30 years ago. Today, medical science offers a high level of safety for women giving birth and this should be a comfort.

Relationship Fears

Will she love the baby more than me? It is a more common fear if one does not fulfill one’s role during and after the pregnancy. If the mother is left with the sole responsibility of looking after the baby then it can sometimes lead to the situation when the father feels he has to ask permission to spend time with the baby. This can often be resolved by taking a full and active role during the pregnancy and afterwards.
Each parent brings different strengths to the relationship and it’s important to work out the dynamics so everyone in your family benefits.

Fears Of 'Pregnancy Medicine'

Men are generally unfamiliar with the obstetrician or gynecological profession and can find it like a foreign language. Apart from not understanding it well, hospital examining rooms make many men feel uncomfortable.

Being prepared – making decisions before hand about the kind of care you want will help tremendously. Try and participate in the birth plan and ask questions when you’re not sure.

The great amount of information to process during a pregnancy is part of the purpose of the ninemonths.com.au site.

Performance Fears

It’s very common for men to worry that they may be inadequate at handling their partner’s emotional changes. Furthermore, it’s natural to worry about not being able to perform when their partner is in labour.

During the first pregnancy in particular, chances are that you’ll see a side of your partner that you will have never seen before – no matter how close you are. Hormonal shifts will bring about strange emotions. But don’t forget it only lasts for nine months! Also, every woman reacts differently so there are no set rules. A word of advice is to be as sympathetic as you can – and don’t just blame it on the hormones. Pregnancy can be difficult for many medical reasons including increased weight, fatigue, digestive unease and circulatory problems.

Many men are afraid of passing out, throwing up, or feeling queasy when they see blood and bodily fluids during labour. The more you comprehend what is going on inside your partner the more prepared you will be. And the more you know the more you can assist in decisions that need to be made and actions that need to be taken.

Interestingly enough, research shows that while a lot of men expect to fall to pieces during the birth, very few do. If you really can’t stand blood, then it may be a good idea to step out of the delivery room. Also, talk about your fears with other fathers and see if you can work through them.

Am I The Real Father?

Surprisingly, this is not an uncommon question, which many men fleetingly ask. While the world is full of successful and unsuccessful paternity cases, caution is best when dealing with such a delicate topic.

Related posts:

1. Common Complaints during Pregnancy
2. Common to Newborns